words left unsaid

"True love isn't just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; but love is also expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid." - from J.H.'s IKDG


I don't know what was in JH's mind when he wrote this phrase but he really captured the meaning of Love with just few words, with actually the exact few words!
I have never understood fully this concept until God sent me 3 disturbing dreams that made me complain for a week. The Lord was asking me to do something specifically very hard and yet wanted me to pray for that person. It was unfair! Not until I realized that maybe He was just teaching me to love that person in the way He wanted me. Through prayer. Just through prayers... I didn't pray ofcourse, as hard headed I am... And honestly I am not. I am really trying to avoid that. I just don't want me to be distracted though I know this is very selfish from me when this person, no matter what, is constantly present when I need someone. But now lil by lil I am learning to pray for that person. Learning just to pray. Without expecting, without showing anything, without caring that much, without the things I used to do in short.


I kept myself so quite not even trying to fix things (which is a miracoulous things for me). I presented my self in a  professional way as much as I could. I tried to hide what's really going on in me. I tried to ignore everything and begun to accept things as they came. I kept myself silent though hurting and doubting. 
There were and are many questions rolling in my mind, too much "words left undaid."
I'm not telling that I'm good in loving. oh no... If there is somedoby really good in loving is just and only God.
I don't really know what I am feeling, this is so new. Maybe, I'm just glad that the Lord, the most expert One in love matters that I ever know, is personally teaching me how to love a person the way He wants me to love... 


A bit pressuring, a bit difficult. God's concept of love is so deep that sometimes the things that He wants me to do and say are so ungraspable. He makes me say and feel things that are hurting. And if somebody would tell me those things I would just burst out in to tears! 


*To you,
you accepted the challenge first, and pushed me to accpet it aswell knowing it will benefit us and many. I thank you now because you didn't give up on me to make me understand all those things. I owe you alot.
Accept my sorries thought you'll never know that I am, but I believe that the Lord will speak in your heart for me.
I just love you the way the Lord is teaching me to. I secretly love you. I love you in prayer.