the fee

The price is really high.. Having people from different ages looking at you is never easy. If you fail there's a lot of chance that you'd disapoint them.. After all you canno't please everyone, but we should be always be after our integrity.. And the price is really salty! I've never thought of it. Much is given, more is required! Honestly, the task is not given to me. But God made me realized that I play a very important role. If I keep being the same old Monica, His plans could never be fulfilled in his life. This is hard.. But everytime God remembers me how He is using his life lately, the fear of the Lord increses. 
And sometime, I fear talking with him. Weird. I canno't almost look straightly in his eyes because I fear that something may happen. I canno't talk to him in person, and even on the phone (I get mute everytime I intend to start a conversation..). And I canno't even express myself. Canno't share with him things that I've used to share. We didn't talk often as we were used to. And I don't know what is this. It kinda bother me. It's like I was A, and suddenly it became C, missing totally the B! I'm missing a step, I'm feeling like lost.
It's is actually happening what should be happening long time ago. The weird thing is that I'm not making any effort for it to happen. I simply know that behind this there is my big God. And if He is behind all these. All I got to do is to low my heart before is Will.


Inspite of all this, I believe that the Plan Maker is in control! He knows what He is doing. Now, there is more understanding, there is more self-control, though I really miss him alot! Missing him in a good way, in a friendly way. I just miss our laugh trips. That's all I miss... But I was saying I'm really content and amazed on how God is moving in our heart, personally and individually. I'm praying for the strength to wait.. To just to be still and make Him move alone. I'll take it as an inspiration.. I'm feeling kinda weird. A mixture of feelings. I'm happy and yet not.. But no! I should rejoice. Finally He is taking the right place of honor in our hearts, in my heart. 


Oh Lord, carry me through this situation... :)